Come here child and dry your tears and I'll tell you a tale
That sets your stupid problem to a different scale
About a fearsome creature that will change your point of view
He's ancient has a tenacled face his name is Cthulhu!

Cthulthu, Cthultu, his evil power is streaming
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulthu waits dreaming

Some say he's a dragon hybrid with an octopus
with a man-like body he causes quite a fuss
He's imprisoned under water until the stars come through
His home is eldritch, dark as death, just like Cthulhu!

Cthulthu, Cthulthu, children will be screaming
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulthu waits dreaming

Cthulhu likes to haunt your dreams until you wake at dawn
He's a high priest to the Old Ones, and summons demon spawn
He won't hide eggs at Easter nor give gifts to you
He plants evil in the dreams of men our master Cthulhu!

Cthulthu, Cthulthu, with evil power is teaming
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulthu waits dreaming

Humans are like insects Cthulhu waits to smash
'Cept for insane cultists who burn innocents to ash
He won't teach you to count or read or even tie your shoe
He steals our souls and feeds on fear, that rascal Cthulhu!

Cthulthu, Cthulthu, children now are screaming
In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulthu waits dreaming

So if you're in the woods at night and see a ring of fire
Just look past the bodies piled on the pyre
Our squid-faced bud is ten miles high and throws your mind askew
It's time to say your prayers and run (doubletime) if you see Cthulhu!
(spoken together) Cthulhu!